


darkest before the dawn

by starsupernova



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Falling In Love, Kissing, M/M, Reunions, Space Flight, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 12:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15436884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsupernova/pseuds/starsupernova
Summary: shiro’s always thought that love feels like flying, but he’s wrong. love feels like flames in his ribcage and on his skin and in his throat. love feels like hot coffee and homemade desserts at midnight. love feels like adam’s hand in his and nothing else matters.





	darkest before the dawn

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes i have returned in the form of gay voltron fic. thank you to not only god but also takashi shirogane for being the greatest man i have ever known.
> 
> i hope this is all canonically accurate but it probably isn't so bear with me a little. i hope u all enjoy!

**i.**

 

for shiro, it starts like this. 

he’s thirteen years old and his eyes are full of life, so different from how they will be years from then. there’s nothing quite like the thrill of flying; shiro isn’t familiar with being in love but he’s sure that, if he was, this is what it would feel like. 

“the next few years of your life are going to be difficult and intense,” one of their instructors tells them, “so get ready.” 

and shiro was  _ born _ ready. he’s always loved the sky and the stars and the desert dust and staring up at the endless galaxy in the throes of midnight. he’s never felt small under the blanket of space. humans may only be a speck in comparison to the the moon and the planets but shiro’s ready to set his foot on every single one of them.

 

**ii.**

 

on the second night of the year, shiro sneaks out of his room to stargaze on the roof of the garrison. not unlike home, the sky here is infinitely beautiful, dark and clear and studded with diamonds.

when he gets there, though, he’s not alone. there’s another boy, one that shiro recognizes from his space navigation class. it’s a bit difficult to see him clearly in the night, but moonlight bounces off the frames of his glasses when he turns his head to look at shiro. 

“didn’t think i’d see  _ you _ out here,” the boy says. 

shiro frowns. “what’s that supposed to mean?” he asks but the boy just shrugs and smiles wide.

and, yeah, shiro remembers the boy’s name now. during roll call in space navigation class, he’d corrected the instructor’s pronunciation of shiro’s name before shiro even had the chance to open his mouth. now, adam is sitting on the edge of the roof and shiro, too curious to leave, decides to join him.

“you just give off the goody-two-shoes vibe,” adam explains, following shiro with his eyes. his gaze is bright and intimidating, even in the dark. “you know it’s way past curfew, right?” 

“you don’t know anything about me,” shiro replies, and then flinches when it comes out harsher than he meant it. adam notices, but all he does is laugh.

“sorry,” adam says in response. “people tell me i’m kind of a smartass.” 

“no,” shiro denies immediately. “you’re cool.” 

and then adam smiles, with all the strength of a blazing sun, and shiro wonders how a teenage boy with a mouthful of braces learned how to set fire to the night. 

 

**iii.**

 

flight simulation training starts in their third year. shiro feels energy buzzing all around him, in the chatter of his classmates and in the way adam nervously taps his finger on his notebook. shiro, however, isn’t nervous at all. his heart is only pounding because he’s been waiting for this day for all of his life.

they’re put in preselected pairs for their first run, and adam gives shiro a bright smile before joining up with his own partner. shiro’s partner is the boy who ranks last out of the entire fighter class. shiro gets them both through the course alright, but it doesn’t give him the same satisfaction as it would if he was flying with someone else. 

“you’re definitely a natural, shiro,” their instructor comments once class is over. “i expect to see great things from you one day.” but it still doesn’t give shiro the satisfaction that success should bring.

when shiro comes back to his room that night, adam is lying on shiro’s bed, paging through his physics homework. they’d become roommates just this year, finally being allowed to pick their own. all shiro wants to do is get a good night’s sleep, but he has the same physics homework due tomorrow, so he changes out of his uniform and into pajamas and lays out his books on adam’s bed as retaliation.  

“i really want to fly with you,” adam says, sudden in the silence of pencils scratching against paper. 

“i’m sure we’ll get a chance to go in the simulator with everyone in our class at some point,” shiro remarks and adam makes a weird coughing sound under his breath.

“that’s not what i mean, shiro,” adam replies. and in that moment, shiro realizes that he likes the way that adam says his name, soft yet insistent, but the thought vanishes as quickly as it came.

“what  _ do _ you mean, then?” shiro asks, but adam just shrugs and looks back down at his homework. shiro blinks in confusion for only a second before returning to his own work. adam has always been like this—clear in his questions, vague in his answers. in that moment, shiro realizes that he wants more than adam gives him. he wants to know the ins and outs, adam’s warm skin against his, he wants to know everything. 

but the thought vanishes as quickly as it came. “hey, shiro,” adam calls, barely a minute later. “can you help me with this one physics problem?”

and shiro does.

 

**iv.**

 

when adam and shiro go into the simulator together for the first time, shiro knows that there’s something right about it. their instructor tells them that it’s rare that two people their age are so compatible during flight, that they’re one of a kind. 

that’s when the rumors start—takashi shirogane, the most promising pilot in the last ten years, a legend in the making—and from there, they never really stop. 

the younger cadets start whispering in the hallway when adam and shiro walk by. all shiro can do is duck his head in embarrassment, while the sweet sound of adam’s laughter fills the air around them. 

  
**v.**

 

shiro finds out he’s in love on their graduation day. it’s their last flight as students and shiro is in love with the thrill of freedom, knowing that he can go anywhere and do anything without someone stopping him.

still strapped into the copilot seat, adam pulls off his helmet and runs his hands through his hair. he’d lost his braces years ago now and his grin makes shiro’s face burn a thousand degrees.

the graduation ceremony is later that evening, and the sunset looks like flames and the sky looks like obsidian but the feeling is the air is nothing short of happiness. adam squeezes his hand tight for a brief moment before he goes up to accept his diploma and shiro’s heart goes up, up, up until it hits the stars. 

after it’s all over, shiro finds himself dragged into numerous photos and conversations, but adam is always by his side, making small talk and giving out hugs to anyone who asks. 

“you know, the garrison is more than happy to offer the both of you a job,” one of their instructors tells them. “you’ve done amazing things during your time here.”

shiro glances at adam for a second, but adam just shrugs. “we’ll think about it, sir,” shiro replies.

it’s only when they walk away that adam speaks. “do you really want to stay here?” he asks, tilting his head to look at shiro with his ever-sparkling eyes.

shiro frowns. “i didn’t say that. it’s just that the garrison is the best place to be a pilot.” 

“i know,” adam replies. “but don’t you ever want to escape rules and regulations?” in the midst of walking, they reach a bench and adam sits down, shiro following. “don’t you want to explore the world or something?”

it’s frustrating to hear, especially because adam  _ knows _ how hard shiro has worked for this. “i want to explore space,” shiro states. “i want to touch the stars and if you don’t want it too, then i don’t think you should stay.”

and adam laughs so hard that he almost falls off the bench. “oh my god, i was just messing with you, shiro,” he says once he’s found his breath again. his smile is so bright and shiro feels his face heat up. 

“you’re the worst,” shiro complains, trying to mask his embarrassment, but then adam leans in and rests his head on shiro’s shoulder, laces his fingers in shiro’s right hand, sighs a sigh of contentment.  

“don’t worry,” adam says. “i’ll always be by your side.” 

shiro’s always thought that love feels like flying, but he’s wrong. love feels like flames in his ribcage and on his skin and in his throat. love feels like hot coffee and homemade desserts at midnight. love feels like adam’s hand in his and nothing else matters. 

 

**vi.**

 

shiro gets to go to space, eventually. it’s a simple mission and shiro marvels at everything they see and they’re back before the week is over. 

with every liftoff and every landing, shiro is drawn more and more into the vacuum of the unknown, and he pulls adam along with him because adam had promised.

with every planet and every star, shiro falls more in love with adam, who is intelligent and resourceful and knows shiro like no one else does. there’s something easy about it; shiro knows that being gay isn’t very common but with adam, shiro isn’t worried. he feels safe with adam by his side.

but somewhere, things still go wrong.

“are you alright?” shiro asks. they’re just finished eating in the cafeteria post-mission and adam’s stabbing at the stir fry on his plate with intent to murder. 

adam pauses in his assault and looks up. “yeah, i’m totally fine,” he says before continuing.  _ those poor vegetables _ , shiro thinks. 

“seriously,” shiro says. “you look really tired. you wanna go back to our rooms?” 

adam sighs and drops his fork onto the plastic plate. “alright, sure,” he replies and pushes himself out of the chair. “let’s go.” 

but before shiro can get up himself, adam turns around sharply and stalks off. shiro stares for a minute in astonishment until he shakes his head and collects both their plates to trash them. then he follows adam down the twisting hallways of the garrison. 

adam’s door is locked when shiro reaches it, so he knocks gently and presses his ear to the door. “hey, adam, open up,” he whispers. 

he hears another one of adam’s characteristic sighs and the soft padding of footsteps and he steps back as the lock clicks and adam pulls the door open

“what  _ is _ it, shiro?” adam asks. he looks even more upset than he did minutes ago and shiro frowns in concern. 

“i’m worried about you, man,” shiro replies, nudging adam aside to his way into adam’s room. 

“nothing’s wrong, i told you,” adam insists, shutting the door behind them and dropping onto his bed. 

“you don’t have to lie to me, adam,” shiro says, aiming for soothing. “we’re friends. you can tell me anything.”

“really?” adam asks, propping himself up on his elbows to look at shiro, who’s now sitting at adam’s desk, chair turned to face adam. “i can tell you anything?” adam repeats and shiro nods.

adam scoffs and falls back down flat. “don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.”

“are you trying to be frustrating?” shiro asks. he’s not mad, not really, but adam’s always been like this. shiro’s known him for seven years but there’s still so much that he hides, so much that is still a mystery.

“i’m just trying not to hurt you,” adam replies. he’s on his elbows again, eyeing shiro through his crooked glasses. his gaze is sharp but shiro doesn’t budge.

adam sighs. “i can’t fly with you anymore, shiro.”

shiro freezes. “what?”

“i never  _ wanted _ to touch the stars,” adam says, desperation edged in his voice. “i’ve been trying to love flying, i really have, but the truth is that i only do it for you. all i love about it is seeing you happy, but i don’t know if i can sacrifice my own happiness anymore. i’m so sorry, i just—” 

“wait, adam, hold on,” shiro interrupts. adam’s voice had escalated to a million miles a minute and shiro’s head is spinning. the only thing he can focus on is that one sentence:  _ i only do it for you _ . “you really stayed just for me?”

adam sits up and adjusts his glasses before directing his eyes back to shiro. “at graduation, you just seemed so eager. and we’re a good team, shiro. i couldn’t just disappoint you like that.”

“i wouldn’t have said no if you’d  _ told _ me, adam,” shiro replies. he doesn’t know what to do right now, but his feelings for adam are overflowing from the chest he’d locked them in.

“yeah, well,” adam starts, “tell that to me from two years ago. doubt he would listen.”

shiro gets up out of adam’s chair and crosses the room to lie next to adam on the bed. “i’m sorry,” shiro says. “i should have thought about how you were feeling before making you fly with me. it’s my fault.” 

“don’t say that, dumbass,” adam replies. “it’s  _ not _ your fault. i’m the one who chose to stick with you. and i don’t regret that, not one bit.” 

shiro blinks. he’s staring blankly at the white ceiling and his eyes are prickling with tears but he ignores it as much as he can. “you deserve everything that you want in this world, adam,” shiro tells him. 

“that was the sappiest thing i’ve ever heard come out of your mouth before,” adam says.

“i’m serious,” shiro replies. “what  _ do _ you want?” 

adam laughs. “i don’t know. a working dishwasher. a million dollars. a kitten.” 

“i’m  _ serious _ ,” shiro repeats. they're looking at each other now, and adam’s eyes are wide and clear and beautiful, and shiro realizes that, when adam’s with him, he doesn’t need to go to space to see the galaxy.

“honestly?” adam asks. “i want you.” 

shiro’s heart  _ stops _ . “you already have me, adam,” he says but his mouth goes dry and his pulse races.

“not like that, stupid,” adam replies, and he sits up, taking shiro’s hand and pulling him up too. “here,” he says. “let me show you.” 

shiro’s not sure what to think when adam kisses him. it’s shiro’s first, but evidently not adam’s, by the way he guides shiro with his hands and his lips. when they pull apart, there’s a blush high on adam’s cheekbones—it’s entirely endearing and shiro doesn’t know how he keeps liking this boy more and more every day. shiro doesn’t know a lot of things. 

“well?” adam asks. his hand is still resting on shiro’s cheek and shiro feels like he might combust. 

“you can have,” shiro says, “anything you want.”

and adam grins, so bright and blinding that shiro isn’t even sure that what’s happening is real. but if it’s a dream, it’s a very very good one.

 

**vii.**

 

shiro’s been thinking about proposing to adam for a long time now. it’s just a few weeks past their four year anniversary and they’d bought an apartment together last month, a quiet and quaint place just for them. 

“hey, shiro, when am i gonna get to meet your boyfriend?” keith asks one day, while shiro is helping him with his homework. “it’s been so long and i haven’t even had a glimpse of him.” 

“patience yields focus,” shiro replies, just because he knows that the phrase annoys keith to no end. “and focus is what you need to pass your classes, so concentrate on your work.” 

“does he even know i exist?” keith continues, ignoring shiro’s previous statement entirely. 

shiro sighs. “of course he does. now finish your last problem so i can check your work and get back home to my  _ boyfriend _ .”

“wow,” keith grumbles. “then you better invite me to your wedding,” he says, and that shuts shiro up quick. 

when shiro gets home, adam’s curled on the couch with a cup of tea, flipping through a packet of papers. shiro slips off his shoes at the entrance and makes his way to adam, bending down to kiss him on the forehead before taking off his jacket and hanging it up in the closet. 

“welcome back, love,” adam greets cheerfully. “how was your day today?”

“it was alright,” shiro replies. “keith got in a fight with someone in his class so i had to stay later than i thought so i could deal with that.”

“wow,” adam says. “you do a lot for that kid.” 

“yeah,” shiro agrees, sitting down next to adam on the couch and wrapping his arm around adam’s shoulders. “he’s really passionate, but kind of lost. he reminds me of me back then, you know, if i hadn’t found you."

that makes adam laugh. “you give me more credit than i deserve. you did all the work, i just cheered you on.” 

“exactly,” shiro says, pulling adam closer to him. “that was all i really needed.” 

“that, and a haircut,” adam replies and shiro pointedly chooses to ignore the comment. 

they sit quietly for a bit, the only noise being adam’s soft humming as he reads his papers. shiro’s more and more tired these days, but it’s different when there’s always something good when he comes home. 

“hey, adam,” shiro starts. “what do you think about marrying me?”

“we kind of already are, if you haven’t noticed,” adam points out. shiro sighs. 

“i know, but i mean officially. with a ceremony and rings and all that.”

“i don’t know, takashi,” adam says, amusement in his voice. “are you sure that you want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life?” 

“it’s been more than ten years already, what more do i have to lose?” shiro replies. “plus, keith asked to be invited and i can’t bring myself to let the kid down.” 

“my parents don’t really know i’m gay,” adam says. “but i’m sure my mom’s gonna be glad that i'm getting hitched, even if it is to a cheesy loser with bad fashion.” 

“can you let me breathe for  _ one _ second, maybe?” shiro complains. “to some people, i’m a pilot of legendary status and unheard of ability.” 

“not to me, babe. to me, you’re just the love of my life,” adam replies sweetly and gets up off the couch, making his way to the kitchen. 

shiro just sighs in response. “and you called  _ me _ cheesy,” he says, and follows adam anyway. 

 

**viii.**

 

hospitals, in shiro’s opinion, are terrible places. yet he’s here, cross legged on a bed with white pristine sheets in a room with white walls and bright white light. 

“i’m his fucking  _ fiancée _ , now let me in,” he hears from outside the door, and the panic in his chest calms a little at the sound of adam’s voice. 

shiro watches as the doorknob turns and adam bursts in—it’s nearly three in the morning and adam’s clothes are crumpled and his hair is scuffed from sleep. he looks like a mess, but shiro has a distinct feeling that he looks a lot worse himself. 

“takashi, holy shit, what happened?” adam asks.

“it’s a long story,” shiro replies. he’s been here for nearly five hours already and he just wants to go home and fall asleep with adam in his arms. “when i was at the training course, i started to feel different while we were going exercises—headaches and dizziness and all that. it wasn’t that intense so i figured i was just tired and i ignored it but on our way home, i just collapsed.”

“oh god,” adam says. he reaches out to take one of shiro’s hands and rubs his thumb over shiro’s knuckles comfortingly. “did the doctors figure out what’s wrong?”

shiro frowns and looks down at the white tiled floor. “they don’t really know,” he admits. “whatever it is, it’s slow moving because i haven’t shown many symptoms until now.”

“so it’s happened before too?” adam asks. he’s looking more worried with every word that shiro says. 

“yeah,” shiro replies. “i didn’t really pay much attention to it though. it never seriously impaired anything i did so just—“ shiro stops when adam releases a shaky breath and sits down on the plastic chair near his bedside. 

“don’t make me say it, takashi,” adam almost begs.

shiro closes his eyes and steadies himself. “as of right now,” he says, “there’s no cure they can give me. i can take medication to slow it down, but it’s still terminal.”

adam doesn’t reply, just stares down at his hands in his lips and shiro watches him blink tears away. “still down for that wedding?” shiro jokes, cracking a dry smile. 

“i told you, takashi,” adam says, the corners of his lips curling up. “i’ll always be by your side.”

 

**ix.**

 

shiro comes back on the night before the launch. the past few days have been hectic, to say the least, but in idle moments, all shiro can think of is adam. 

the last time they had talked, it had ended badly. to say the least. shiro knows they’re over now, even if he does manage to make it back alive. shiro’s made his decision and adam’s made his but shiro can’t bring himself to leave without saying goodbye. 

their apartment is pitch black when shiro comes in. he lingers at the door for a little bit, looking into the home that he's spent so many nights in. although it’s dark, he knows how that there’s a coffee stain on the couch in the living room from when adam kissed shiro out of nowhere and shocked shiro enough for him to spill his coffee all over the cushions. he knows that there’s a million magnets on their fridge because adam wanted to collect a souvenir from every place they visited on their summer road trip. he knows that there’s an alarm clock in the kitchen that adam installed just so shiro would remember to take his medication when adam wasn’t home to remind him. 

it’s their home, their souls in the cracks of the walls, and it almost makes shiro want to reconsider. but then he thinks of the mission, and the thought vanishes as quickly as it came. 

the bedroom is down the small hallway and shiro flicks on a light while walking quietly. the door creaks as it opens and a slice of yellow light falls over the bed, where adam is curled up, seemingly asleep. 

“takashi, go away,” adam’s voice complains. so, not asleep. 

“i just wanted to say goodbye,” shiro says, and steps in, closing the door behind him. 

“ _ i _ said goodbye,” adam replies, bed sheets rustling as he turns over and presses his cheek into the pillow. “or did you not understand what ‘don’t expect me to be here when you get back’ means?” 

“i haven’t even gone yet,” shiro points out. 

adam sighs. “i broke up with you, takashi. you really wanna see me before you leave?” 

there’s a lump in shiro’s throat, but he’s not one to cry, so he swallows it down as best as he can. “of course i do, adam. you’re my best friend.” 

“oh my god,” adam says. “you’re unreal. like seriously, everyone else that’s as kind as you are is doing it for an ulterior motive but you—that’s just you.” 

and this is when shiro realizes that there’s no chance in hell that he’s getting over adam; there’s a chest in shiro’s heart that holds all his feelings for adam, liquid gold and beautiful, and once it was opened, it could never be closed again. adam’s quiet for a while after, and shiro’s still waiting a few steps away, feet glued to the carpet. all shiro knows is that he wants to spend one more night with adam, that’s all.

“come lie down, sweetheart,” adam says, breaking the silence with a voice slurred with exhaustion. and shiro doesn’t have the power to say no. he’s always felt most comfortable with adam in his arms.

and this is home, the softness of the sheets and the warmth of adam’s skin, the way they fit just right together—they always have. 

“you told me once,” shiro starts, “that you’ll always stay by my side. what about now?” 

“don’t give me that,” adam scoffs. “it’s different, you know that. i don’t want to leave you in the dark, i don’t. i just know that i won’t be able to live through the pain of not knowing whether you’re dead or alive. so i’m letting go.”

shiro knows that adam is seconds away from sleep, and shiro is seconds away from never talking to him again, and shiro has nothing to lose. “i’ll always love you, adam,” he admits, with all the sincerity that he can summon.

“i know,” adam replies, and he falls asleep like that, with his head on shiro’s chest and his hand in shiro’s own. the room is quiet with the sound of adam’s steady breathing and the beat of shiro’s heart.

shiro wakes up at dawn when the first rays of sunlight stream through the open curtains. he untangles himself from adam’s arms, leaves a light kiss on adam’s forehead in place of a goodbye. adam’s always looked most beautiful in the shadow of sunshine and now shiro is going to a place so void of that light.

he leaves the apartment just as quietly as he’d came. to kerberos it is.

 

**x.**

 

despite all of shiro’s love for the galaxy, space does everything it can to tear him apart. it takes away everything he loves and everything he is. it scrambles science with magic and reality with fantasy. it makes him feel pain unlike anything he’s ever known. it kills him and brings him back again.

but, in the end, all he has to do is think of adam—adam’s smile, adam’s warmth and his kindness, adam’s everything—to stitch himself back together again.

again and again and again, until it’s finally time to go back home. and with the navigation route set to earth, shiro takes a well deserved nap. 

recently, shiro’s been remembering things. details, like the coffee stain on their couch and the fridge magnets and the bed sheets. the others help him out too, with the hallways of the garrison and which teacher did what and was dating whom, and keith is plenty content let shiro sit with him in the black lion and tell him story upon story of the things they did together and all the trouble that keith caused him. 

he remembers the not-so-good things too, like the illness (that he’s now cured of, thank the stars) and the fights he’d had adam. his dreams relive the night when adam broke up with him, the morning when shiro left.

it’s been too long since shiro’s had a good night’s sleep. 

“hello, shiro,” allura greets when shiro startles awake. in response, he groans and rubs his eyes and allura laughs. “did you sleep well?” 

“do i ever?” shiro replies. shiro’s been surrounded by mostly kids for a long time now, but allura is about fifty times more mature than the others combined, so shiro finds a sort of sanity in conversation with her. 

shiro takes a second to look outside, the vast darkness of space around them. the black lion is somewhere in front of them and lance is flying next to them in red. it’s the kind of space that shiro would have loved years ago, but now it just makes him tired. 

“do you know that you talk in your sleep?” allura asks and shiro turns to look at her. 

“it’s a new thing,” shiro admits. he’s not worried, really, because no matter what he had said, he knows that allura is trustworthy. 

allura nods. “who’s adam? only if you don’t mind telling me,” she clarifies and shiro cracks a smile. 

“he’s someone…important to me,” shiro says. allura smiles back and shiro knows she gets what he means. 

“are you excited to see him?” allura asks. 

shiro shrugs. “it didn’t end the way i wanted it to.” shiro says and then pauses. “we were going to get married,” he says. 

allura shrugs. “maybe you still can.”

it’s doubtful, shiro knows; the words they had shared were absolutes. but if there’s one thing shiro has learned about space, it’s that anything can happen. 

 

**xi.**

 

_ home _ . it’s the one word that’s been buzzing around for the past few weeks. lance is practically bouncing off the walls with anticipation and even krolia seems to be brighter than usual in the face of returning to earth. the alteans are less enthusiastic, but supportive nonetheless, focusing their attention on avoiding any galra scouts from picking up on their signals. 

with pidge’s cloaking devices obscuring their lions from any passing satellites, shiro peers out of the blue lion to watch the green and blue planet swirling underneath them. no matter where shiro’s been, earth still looks the most beautiful from space. 

“hey, guys.” pidge comes over the intercom. “we’ve gotten in contact with the garrison and they’ve guaranteed us safe landing.” she pauses and shiro can hear her hesitation in her voice. “whenever you’re ready, i guess.”

allura turns to him with a tiny smile on her face. “you ready?” she asks. in reality, he’s the farthest thing from it, but he nods his head anyway, and they begin their slow descent down to earth. 

“what if i’m getting worked up for no reason?” shiro says out loud, mostly to himself. “like what if he doesn’t even show up?”

“you’ve been presumed dead for years, shiro,” allura replies. “and if he loved you as much as it seems like he did, he’ll be there.”

allura manages to keep his internal worries quiet until they break the atmosphere. pidge talks to them through the green lion to guide them to the right landing spot, and finally, the five of them drop onto the desert sand. 

shiro takes his first breath of oxygen in a very, very long time, and then he’s thrust into the night air. 

there’s too many people waiting for them—the teaching staff, the space travel crews, the engineers, and more. shiro even catches a glimpse of cadets pressing themselves to the windows of classrooms to steal a look. the nonhuman-looking ones of them are getting weird stares and shiro finds a few of his old classmates in the crowd.

but not the one he’s looking for.

eventually, they’re shuffled into some kind of conference room inside the building and most of the spectators are shooed away. lance is talking his head off next to him and keith is front of shiro, hovering around him and glaring at anyone who tries to come over to them.

“no need to be my guard dog, keith,” shiro tells him gently and keith startles, replying with a shrug before taking a seat at the round table. shiro sits next to him, allura (and the exit door) directly parallel from him, and she gives him a wide smile. shiro isn’t sure if he shares the same enthusiasm.

when the room quietens, iverson stands up, sending shiro a sharp look. shiro only vaguely remembers what happened in the few hours that he dropped back down to earth before being whisked back up again, but he does remember not having a lot of love for that man. 

“shiro,” iverson says. “we’re glad to have you back, but we of course need to know what happened while you were away. we were told that there’s an emergency headed here.”

shiro’s head is still pounding, and he’s not sure if he’s ready to recall the painful details of his time in space, but he figures he has no other option and prepares to speak.

“hold on,” keith interrupts, and shiro snaps his mouth closed. “we’ve all had a rough time getting here,  _ especially  _ shiro. i suggest that princess allura here fills you in on everything; she’s probably the smartest one here anyway.” allura hums in agreement and iverson glares at keith, who just sets his jaw and glares right back.

“don’t make decisions for the  _ adults  _ here, boy,” iverson spits. 

keith raises an eyebrow. “you want another punch to the face?” he threatens and shiro lays a hand on his shoulder in warning. 

“hey,” lance calls, “your options are the princess or nothing. so pick carefully.”

iverson’s glare swivels to lance, but they’ve all gained three times the backbone since they became the defenders of the universe, so lance doesn’t even blink.

“thank you, keith and lance,” allura says, and all attention goes to her. “so, let’s begin.”

allura launches into her recap of the past god know how many years and shiro looks down at the table, taps his fingers against the wood, and thinks about adam. 

until keith starts elbowing him in the gut. “shiro, look,” he hisses under his breath and shiro straightens in his seat and snaps his head up to the door. 

shiro hasn’t seen adam in god knows how many years but he knows that the face behind the tiny glass window is his. it’s all he can do to not jump out of his seat when adam catches his gaze and his eyes widen. it’s a few seconds later that the lock clicks and adam bursts into the room. 

“takashi?” adam asks, his voice barely above a whisper, but shiro hears it loud and clear. 

“i’m sorry,” shiro says to the room. his voice sounds odd to his own ears, like he’s drowning. “i have to leave.” 

keith squeezes shiro’s wrist for half a second in reassurance and then shiro’s gone, trying not to fly into adam’s arms, trying not to fly at home. 

the door shuts with a clang when adam grabs shiro by the shoulders. his hands are shaking and shiro looks into his eyes, a bit duller than they were when he and shiro had been kids, but still beautiful nonetheless. 

and shiro realizes that he will never ever get over adam. 

“oh my god,” adam starts and shiro feels that unfamiliar lump in his throat. “they told me you were alive but i had to see it for myself, i had to—”

“i missed you,” shiro interrupts shakily. “i missed you every single day.” 

“fucking hell,” adam says. “do you even know how long you’ve been gone?” adam asks and shiro shakes his head. “four years. four years and twenty seven weeks. what even happened out there?” he runs his hands through shiro’s gray hair and along the scars on his face. “your hair, all these injuries…” he says, trailing off. his hands drop back down to shiro’s shoulders, warm and comforting. 

“i have lots of stories,” shiro replies. “i can tell them to you sometime,” he says, “if you want.” it’s a question hidden in an offer.  _ do you want me back? _

adam pauses; there’s tears in the corners of his eyes, underneath his glasses. “oh, sweetheart,” he says, voice aching with a feeling that shiro can’t put a name to. “come here.” and he pulls shiro into a tight hug.

it feels like coming home. 

shiro’s never known vulnerability with anyone but adam. he hasn’t let go in so long, so the tears flow now, years of pain and hardship and  _ longing _ . 

“do you still hate me?” shiro asks and it comes out like a tiny whimper. strong and brave shiro reduced to this in a boy’s arms, but shiro feels safe with adam, he always does. 

“don’t ask dumb questions,” adam says. he’s crying too now, his words in small hiccups. “i never hated you, ever. not even when you left. i was a mess and i tried so hard to forget you. i tried so hard but takashi…you’re the only one i’ll ever love.” 

“fuck,” shiro curses. he steps back from adam to wipe the tears off of his face. “can i kiss you?” he asks. 

adam laughs, a bright sound that washes away the darkness in shiro’s heart. ”i said, don’t ask dumb questions,” adam repeats and takes his hand to pull him into the opposing room. 

once the doors shut, adam’s immediately kissing him, and shiro responds with equal enthusiasm. his back hits the wall and he wraps his arms around adam’s neck. adam’s lips are still as soft as he remembers them. 

“hey,” shiro starts, when they pull apart to breathe. “did you pick the lock to get into the conference room?” he asks and adam smirks. 

“desperate times calls for desperate measures,” he chimes and shiro laughs, leaning his head down onto adam’s shoulder. 

“that kid sitting next to you, was that keith?” adam asks and shiro makes a noise of affirmation. “wow,” adam says. “he’s definitely grown up.”

“yeah,” shiro replies, and he’s grinning harder than he has in years. “i’m proud of him.” 

“me too,” adam agrees. “and i'm proud of  _ you _ .” shiro looks up and watches adam smile. “thanks for coming back in one piece,” adam says and shiro gives him a kiss in reply

“after this is all over,” shiro starts, “do you want to have that wedding we were talking about? i lost my ring somewhere out in space but—”

adam holds up his hand and the silver band still fits perfectly around his ring finger. “i’m already two steps ahead of you,” adam replies. 

“i love you so much,” shiro says. “i love you more than i love the stars.” 

adam smiles. “i know,” he replies. 

in every second he spends with adam, shiro remembers more and more of the life he’d lived with adam in that apartment, the comfort of having someone care about you conditionally, the quiet comments and the kisses and basking in each other’s presences. he remembers what it feels like to be in love and to be loved and dance like no one’s watching. he remember what it’s like to be happy, and that’s something that he hasn’t felt in a very very long time. 

“adam,” shiro says. “we should get back now, right?” he suggests, even though he kind of wants to be in this same spot forever. 

adam hums under his breath. “nah,” he says. “let’s just stay here for a little bit longer.” 

and shiro is more than happy to agree. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! if you so wish to, you can follow me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/kdhsolo).


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